i've had quite the restful slew of days.
i've been pretty thankful for chances that i have been able to be at home over break. it's almost always the same: i feel an inclination to have lists of projects and activities to complete, to make my time feel more worth it. however, recently it has been different. i've felt oddly productive each day, even days that i have not been doing too much. it's been sweet. i've taken my hand to some woodworking, running each couple of days in my training for the EC half marathon, taking joy in preparing food and cooking, playing guitar, remembering to stick to my bible-in-a-year reading plan, and just plain hanging out. what i have realized is that my mindset has been different, which has made things feel pretty free. the miracle is that i haven't felt worried about getting things done (which, spoiler alert, has literally never happened before). thanks God.
what has been different is that more and more i've been okay with just siting still.
that's it.
not needing some new music i found to be floating in the background,
not needing to veg-out to something on netflix,
not needing to feel guilty about not finishing all the books i've wanted to read over break.
just being able to rest in one place without needing to do anything. really resting.
and i want to get better at this because i think its a pretty sweet way to worship God.
i've been getting better at what i would call just being. i think it's Bob Goff who says it the most simply in his book Love Does:
we are not human doings, we are human beings.
last week i had an awesome chance to spend a week with some of my best friends up in Ontario (scroll down for more details!). i stayed on an old camp mattress they rolled out for me, and i had the blessing to be part of their life for a week. one morning i woke up to realize that everyone was out of the house- either at work or at school. i had no plans; the day was mine. i spent the first few hours making some food, washing dishes, accidentally cleaning their house due to boredom, and some reading. i knew i had to take advantage of a full, silent, house. it was perfect to rest. so i got some time to read, had a quiet time with my Bible, yet i started getting antsy. the house felt really quiet. and the same feeling crept in that i feel time and time again:
i felt like i had to do something.
for some odd reason i felt like i needed an achievement of the day. so i went on a walk.
After 5 minutes from their house, i felt only what i can describe as a nudge.
often i am so in my own world that i do not give space to acknowledge the Living God. (i'm usually 'busy' thinking or working or doing things.) yet it was in that moment that the Spirit was making it clear to me what i was leaving. and it was something along the lines of:
you have space here to rest, rest with me. don't walk away from something good i've placed before you.
for a semester at school living in the busy dorms, with a constant social and academic workload hanging over my head, i dreamt of just a single day of quiet to rest well. and here i was, literally walking away from an empty house that was just perfect for some true rest with the Lord. now in no way was God unable to rest with me on the rest of my walk, He can do whatever He wants. but it was then that i realized that my Jesus had been/was/is preparing time for me to rest.
and not just rest from a workload so that i can jump back at it. but some deep rest spent close to Him. remembering who He is. remembering who I am because of Him.
moments this winter break that have been the most precious and restul have been those when i have sat still, pushed away distractions, and asked Jesus to help me delight in his rest. i don't need anything else in that moment but Him.
i want to stop walking away from His rest. i want to get better at sitting still.
He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.'
Psalm 46:10
i've been pretty thankful for chances that i have been able to be at home over break. it's almost always the same: i feel an inclination to have lists of projects and activities to complete, to make my time feel more worth it. however, recently it has been different. i've felt oddly productive each day, even days that i have not been doing too much. it's been sweet. i've taken my hand to some woodworking, running each couple of days in my training for the EC half marathon, taking joy in preparing food and cooking, playing guitar, remembering to stick to my bible-in-a-year reading plan, and just plain hanging out. what i have realized is that my mindset has been different, which has made things feel pretty free. the miracle is that i haven't felt worried about getting things done (which, spoiler alert, has literally never happened before). thanks God.
what has been different is that more and more i've been okay with just siting still.
that's it.
not needing some new music i found to be floating in the background,
not needing to veg-out to something on netflix,
not needing to feel guilty about not finishing all the books i've wanted to read over break.
just being able to rest in one place without needing to do anything. really resting.
and i want to get better at this because i think its a pretty sweet way to worship God.
i've been getting better at what i would call just being. i think it's Bob Goff who says it the most simply in his book Love Does:
we are not human doings, we are human beings.
last week i had an awesome chance to spend a week with some of my best friends up in Ontario (scroll down for more details!). i stayed on an old camp mattress they rolled out for me, and i had the blessing to be part of their life for a week. one morning i woke up to realize that everyone was out of the house- either at work or at school. i had no plans; the day was mine. i spent the first few hours making some food, washing dishes, accidentally cleaning their house due to boredom, and some reading. i knew i had to take advantage of a full, silent, house. it was perfect to rest. so i got some time to read, had a quiet time with my Bible, yet i started getting antsy. the house felt really quiet. and the same feeling crept in that i feel time and time again:
i felt like i had to do something.
for some odd reason i felt like i needed an achievement of the day. so i went on a walk.
After 5 minutes from their house, i felt only what i can describe as a nudge.
often i am so in my own world that i do not give space to acknowledge the Living God. (i'm usually 'busy' thinking or working or doing things.) yet it was in that moment that the Spirit was making it clear to me what i was leaving. and it was something along the lines of:
you have space here to rest, rest with me. don't walk away from something good i've placed before you.
for a semester at school living in the busy dorms, with a constant social and academic workload hanging over my head, i dreamt of just a single day of quiet to rest well. and here i was, literally walking away from an empty house that was just perfect for some true rest with the Lord. now in no way was God unable to rest with me on the rest of my walk, He can do whatever He wants. but it was then that i realized that my Jesus had been/was/is preparing time for me to rest.
and not just rest from a workload so that i can jump back at it. but some deep rest spent close to Him. remembering who He is. remembering who I am because of Him.
moments this winter break that have been the most precious and restul have been those when i have sat still, pushed away distractions, and asked Jesus to help me delight in his rest. i don't need anything else in that moment but Him.
i want to stop walking away from His rest. i want to get better at sitting still.
He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.'
Psalm 46:10